Learn how David Sandler's sales techniques have evolved and why traditional manipulative tactics no longer work in complex B2B sales. Discover modern strategies for 2025.
I first published this article in 2004, and it went on to become my fourth most-read blog post of all time. Two decades later, both my perspective and the sales landscape have shifted. What follows is the updated version for 2025.
In 2002, I read David Sandler’s You Can’t Teach a Kid to Ride a Bike at a Seminar. Sandler was one of the first sales trainers to popularise the use of Transactional Analysis (TA) in sales. TA, created by Eric Berne in the 1950s and explained in Games People Play, describes human interaction through three ego states:
Adult: rational, here-and-now thinking
Parent: critical or nurturing behaviours drawn from authority figures
Child: emotional responses rooted in childhood experience
Sandler’s genius was in applying this psychology to selling. His famous “struggling child” cold-call trick and “negative reverse” questioning both exploited predictable ego-state responses. At the time, these felt fresh. Today, they feel dated.
A few weeks ago, my team attended a sales call where the representative attempted to take us down the Sandler pain funnel. I recognised it immediately. The script was obvious, and it was painful to sit through. Eventually, I told the rep we knew precisely what he was doing and asked him to cut to the chase.
That exchange summed up the problem. In complex B2B, buyers are not fooled by psychological tricks. They are educated, prepared, and often sceptical. When they sense manipulation, trust evaporates, and without trust, no deal moves forward.
And I say this from experience. Early in my career, when I was still mastering Sandler’s TA techniques, the reactions were brutal. More than once, a prospect called me an asshole. One even told me I’d win the prize for the biggest asshole of the year, and it was only March. That kind of blowback teaches you quickly: manipulation might get attention, but it kills credibility and damages relationships.
To their credit, Sandler has modernised. The old “Sandler Submarine” — a corny visual metaphor for the process — has been retired, replaced by a more professional seven-step framework.
Modern Sandler training now emphasises:
No Mutual Mystification: removing ambiguity with clarity at every step
Upfront Contracts: setting roles and expectations before conversations
Reinforcing behaviours, not just outcomes: rewarding consistent practice
Continuous reinforcement: embedding skills through coaching and role-play
Digital enablement: integrating gamification and online delivery for scale
I have no truck with clarity, up-front contracts, reinforcement, or digital enablement. These are good practices for any sales organisation.
Where Sandler still struggles is in oversimplifying complex B2B.
The classic focus on pain, budget, and decision assumes buyers already have budget set aside, a single decision-maker, and a clear problem they can articulate. That might work in transactional selling, but in enterprise deals it rarely matches reality. Budgets often don’t exist until a business case is built. Committees make decisions. And the most important pains are usually invisible until surfaced through insight.
The enduring value of TA is not in tricking buyers. It is in creating self-awareness and enabling Adult-to-Adult dialogue. For example:
When you notice yourself slipping into Child mode (defensive when challenged), you can reset into Adult.
When a buyer shows up as Critical Parent (controlling or dismissive), you can invite them back into Adult mode by staying calm, factual, and collaborative.
When a buyer is overwhelmed (Child), the goal is not to exploit but to create safety: “What would help you feel confident about this decision?”
This is TA as a tool for authenticity, not manipulation.
Buyers are more prepared, more sceptical, and more empowered than ever. AI has armed them with research, peer reviews, and the ability to detect manipulative tonality in seconds. They have no patience for pain funnels or reverse psychology.
What cuts through is:
Speaking in the buyer’s language of ROI and risk reduction
Using frameworks (in cybersecurity) like FAIR and FAIR-CAM to quantify value in £/$
Building trust through clarity, honesty, and repeatable storytelling
Facilitating decisions rather than trying to engineer them
David Sandler was right about one thing: buyers are not always fair to salespeople. But his solution, outmanoeuvring them with psychological tricks, doesn’t work in today’s market.
In 2025, the winning salesperson is not the one who manipulates ego states, but the one who:
Recognises their own states in real time (EQ)
Stays grounded in Adult-to-Adult communication
Uses risk and ROI as the currency of conversation
Builds clarity and confidence instead of pressure
Learn TA, but use it on yourself, not your buyers.
Sellers do not need more tricks. They need conversational frameworks rooted in customer truth, and language that buyers themselves use when describing risks, outcomes, and value.
👉 If your team is still leaning on outdated playbooks, let’s talk about how to equip them with a new conversation buyers will appreciate.
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